sparkle chapstick

a few years ago i was asked the question, “how do you know what marriage is if you’ve never witnessed a successful one?”. I immediately became defensive, backing my anti-marriage rant with weak excuses and examples… all based on sick images that i’d been given an example of.

growing up, i inhaled the thick ashes of everything love shouldn’t be… watching my parents sick and twisted example of a “relationship”.

storing the question asked above, i transitioned through a bitter love time. i was bitter about love, what it meant, who it loved, who it let love it… however (like every journey) there was an accomplishment through this dark age…

i learned, above all else, to love myself greater than any other thing on earth. i flew away  from that transition completely understanding the concept of never being able to love anyone unless i truly, truly loved myself unconditionally.

i’ve been thinking of beautiful, calm ways of stating what i want to say, but, i’ve decided to just go ahead and say it…

once you love yourself unconditionally, and you mount yourself to this spiritual standard of love… no one, absolutely no one, will understand your wave of being unless they too love themselves unconditionally.

it’s most wise that married folks hang with other married folks. why? i’ll save this for another post…

it’s most wise that if you’re on a spiritual journey, you surround yourself with folks who are either on one as well or completely support you.

it’s most wise to watch your company, who you call ‘friend’, who you have in your home, who you have around your children, etc.

….and i’d like to believe these are all things we are taught… but i know better.

and just like the few examples above- when you love yourself with your whole heart, you have to surround yourself with others who do the same for themselves.

don’t get me wrong, by no means would i cut anyone from my life for not loving themselves unconditionally, haha. (i have a crew of folks who could back me up on this one!) however, i do know better than to devote myself to someone who couldn’t possibly love me the way i am able to love them…

if you know me, you have a pretty good understanding of who i am. i’m open, harsh and honest, spiritual and fairly transparent. and… i love love. i love LOVE… i LOVE LOVE!!! i am in a blessed place to see the beauty of love, the swirl of it, the potential in it, the ripple effects of it… and i honestly believe this is because i can feel the love within myself. after years of being disgusted with the girl starring back at me from the mirror, it isn’t unusual for me to cry with myself in the mirror today. some moments, i feel love so strong within myself that i swear it’s pouring from my skin!

and ultimately… i’d love to have someone to share my love with. to pour it on… someone to soak up the overflow of my purest form of admiration and bliss…

but… i have to make sure they love themselves unconditionally… otherwise all of my growth was in vain. and how quickly i’ve learned; maybe finding true love isn’t the greatest triumph in life, but finding a true love, whose love swirled with mine, will completely uphold itself…

-b